**beware of crazy rant**

I'm going to apologize now for the insanity that will follow this sentence but I need to get it out.  I have not lost any weight in 2011 and for some reason this morning was my breaking point.  I have been a little crazy about the scale lately so last weekend I hid it behind the toilet so I can't hop on so often.  I was feeling really good about today's weigh-in, I've worked out everyday this week & I've burned lots of calories each day, I was sure I would finally break through 150 again.  Not the case...still 150.  Well I pretty much lost it, I was close to tears and ranting about quitting all of this because what's the point?  I might as well be eating cheese fries & potato skins if it's not going to make any difference!  I'm just so tired of counting everything all the time, always thinking about what I put in my mouth or how many steps I'm going to take to burn off what I put in my mouth, really what's the point if I'm not going to lose anything?!?!  Joe's listening to all of this & trying to be supportive, telling me I look great & offering up ideas that might jump start my losses again.  Of course I had plenty of reasons why his ideas won't work and why it's partially his fault I'm not losing (sugary cereal, processed food).  After a minute he said fine he'd stop helping, I apologized but said I just needed to be angry for a little bit.  I know that I could "kick it up a notch," start watching my ranges of different kinds of food or put in more time at the gym but I just don't want to, I feel like what I'm doing now should be enough, any more might drive me off the deep end... 

Now that I've got that off my chest let's look at Thursday (not that I'm sure it matters my recounting every calorie for you all).  I woke up with a migraine, always a good sign.  I went downstairs to get an imitrex and was unpleasantly surprised to find that I'm down to my last two pills.  I took one and said a prayer that I wouldn't get another migraine before the refill came in the mail then I grabbed the box & put it in my purse so I'd remember to send it in it once I got to work.  Anyway, I'm trying to finish off our bananas before they go bad so I had another bowl of cocoa pebbles with one = 276 calories.

We're out of yogurt so I haven't been bringing my lunch to work.  Plus with the construction going on there really isn't anywhere to eat but at our desks so we've been trying to figure out places to have lunch quickly and close by the office.  The choices today were McDonald's or KFC...I chose McDonald's because I could get a salad.  I had the bacon ranch with grilled chicken = 440 calories.

After work I had plans to meet Amanda at the gym for group kick.  We were pretty excited because our favorite instructor Mary Jo was back!  I was really surprised at how much I had missed her class; the substitute we were taking was definitely a good workout but this really kicked my butt, I was much sweatier and felt better about my workout because I had an actual routine to follow.

When I got home I wasn't very hungry but I had to eat at least 500 calories just to reach my 1200 minimum.  I decided to heat up the rest of my sandwich (352 calories) from Sunday because it was so delicious and would probably go bad if I left it any longer.

Joe was stuck late at work so I spent the next hour or so on the couch messing around on the computer & watching my "crap shows" (gossip girl, bachelor, 90210) on the DVR.  While I was getting dressed that morning I had noticed that my pants are really starting to sag in the butt; I mean I've been able to pull them down without unbuttoning them for a while but they're really not very flattering anymore.  Luckily I found this in my inbox from The Limited.

Between the sale they were having and a coupon code I had I was able to get 3 pairs of size 10 work pants for under $100.  I took all my measurements and even though they're pretty much the same as they were in December they match up with the size chart's 10.  I had a really hard time actually pressing "place order" because I haven't been that small in a long time and I can't seem to convince myself they'll actually fit but we'll see when they come in I guess.  Also, the clipper magazine has started doing it's own version of Groupon called DoubleTakeDeals that features places in south Jersey instead of Philly/websites.  I had an email from my friend Brooke who works there to check it out.  Well, they had a coupon for Chido Burrito, my favorite, I paid $10 for a $20 gift certificate, can't wait to go!  There was also a deal where for $20 I got a $40 gift certificate to Cheech Brothers, a restaurant by my work with great italian food.  I figure one day when Joe gets out early & I skip the gym I can bring home dinner.

After my mini shopping spree I logged my dinner and noticed I still need more calories to reach my minimum so I had a weight watchers fudge bar = 100 calories & a handful of peanut butter pretzels = 140 calories.

Joe finally got home around 9:30 & he brought me a present!  I love presents!  He found the gloves that have a piece in the pointer finger and thumb that make it so you can use a touch screen phone without taking them off.  The funny part is that Angela & I have been talking about wanting these for our runs for a while now but I never mentioned it to Joe, then he comes home with a pair, lol.

How did I do on my February goals?

1. Read 2 books: I looked though my jewelry party catalog & talked to Nicole on the phone instead of reading before the gym...

2. Burn at least 750 calories a day for at least 20 days: 2710 burned -1318 eaten = 1392 total burned, 2 day total

3. 1000 fitness minutes, not allowed to count walking at the restaurant: 60 minutes today, 165 total for month

4. Eat 1 fruit or veggie with each meal for at least 20 days: banana w/breakfast, salad as lunch & nothing w/dinner, 1 days total

5. 10 spend free days - yeah...I bought stuff, 1 days total